I'm finding it really difficult at the moment. I didn't stop at all yesterday, I worked from 3.45 am - 5.00 pm without a break, then Mike had organised with Hannah that we would take her to work so we went straight out at 5.00 pm to do that then he wanted to go to the garden exhibition in the city and we got home at 7.00 pm. When I spoke to my dad on the phone I told him that I was really tired and Mike started going on about I should take a sleeping tablet to help me sleep - it isn't the fact that I can't sleep it is the fact that I do not physically get the time to do it. When I said that to him he got quite nasty saying he was only trying to help, I really think he has no idea anymore what running the shop is like, in addition to looking after him, the home and trying to keep the kids on the straight and narrow. I have noticed quite a big personality change in him over the last couple of weeks he is getting even more opinionated and becoming very self centred. I try not to voice my opinion as I don't want to argue but the last few days have been incredibly hard.

I have no chance of sleeping today as Saturday mornings are busy in the shop and this afternoon we have a befriender coming from Willen to sit with Mike so I can take Cameron out for a couple of hours. One of Cam's big issues is that we never get any quality time just the two of us anymore. Although I feel that I would prefer to sleep for those two hours I think it is really important that we have this time together.

I'm aware that my blog is very moany and negative today, but sometimes it's hard to keep the smile on your face.

Mike slept the longest ever yesterday, even going back to bed after being up for half an hour for dinner in the evening. When he sleeps like this it makes the illness very real. Sometimes when he is awake he is his old self and we are able to distance ourselves from the reality of the situation, but when he has these sleepy days it really hits home.

Our new greeting cards installation is happening today, in addition to it being wages day and paper bill day so I will be kept busy, no doubt Mike will have a wide awake day and I will have to keep running up and down the stairs to him as well.

I had a letter from Karen that I used to work with at Raglan yesterday, it was great to hear from her and she says she reads the blog everyday - I really can't believe how many people look at it.

Mike went to day hospice yesterday. They looked at his swollen hands and gave him some exercises to do, they also took his blood sugar level - it is a little high but he said he had eaten three cakes by the time they took it. He told one of the nurses there that he thinks that Liz and I are picking on him because he drinks too much Red Bull to try to keep him awake - I have once again had the conversation telling him that everyone has his best interests at heart and they are only trying to help him. It is in situations like this that his lack of reasoning is really apparant because he just behaves like a spoilt child who wants his own way and is not able to listen to anyone elses opinion.

I eventually sorted out my mobile phone - I have had problems getting anyone to speak to me about it because the contract was taken out in Mike's name. I appreciate that there does have to be data protection laws but I have had real problems with some companies over the last few months who won't even listen to the reason why Mike can't phone himself or advise me what to do. We have now actioned power of attorney which should make these things a bit easier.

I have noticed with Mike over the last week or so that he is becoming more and more opinonated and it is becoming harder to reason with him at all. He even argues with people on the tv all the time and sometimes gets quite agressive with it. He came with me to pick Hannah up from work and we went to McDonalds last night, he was very loudly giving his opinion about people that were there - Hannah and I were cringing.

Mike is going to day hospice today, I hope he manages to keep his opinion to himself a little there and doesn't upset anyone if we aren't around to give him a nudge or a swift kick under the table to shut him up.

I went to carers yesterday, but read Mike the riot act before I went, after his messing about when I was out last Monday - he knew I meant it because apparently I called him Michael and I only do that when i'm cross. He went to bed and slept the whole time so things were much more peaceful last night than they had been the week before.

We talked about him coming to bed and waking me up when it is nearly time for me to get up, his first suggestion was that he sleeps on the sofa so he doesn't disturb me, so when I got back from my guilt trip for even bringing the subject up I told him that he just needed to come to bed earlier. Last night he came to bed at 12.30 pm, he still woke me up to tell me he was there but at least I did have the chance to go back to sleep.

We didn't make much progress with Mike's swollen hands yesterday - I spoke to the Dr and she said that it is the steroids as I thought. The district nurse came and put Tubigrip on them but Mike kept complaining that it was uncomfortable and too hot and took it off within a couple of hours, so he continues to just look at them and keep telling me they are swollen. I am at a meeting at Willen this morning so will ask Liz for some advice about it.

Mike's sleep pattern has totally gone to pot again. He didn't come to bed until 2.45 am, then wants to chat while all the time I am thinking I have got to get up in an hours time. When he has had enough chatting he switches off the light and instantly snores so that I have no hope of getting any more sleep so I just get up even earlier. I try very hard to accept that this is the illness, I honestly think that he has forgotten what it is like to get up at 3.45 am and what the early mornings entail, sometimes he asks me what i've been doing with my time and I have to think very carefully before I respond!

It's carers today but I don't know if I will go, it depends on whether Mike is likely to sleep for the afternoon or whether he is going to "mis-behave" like last week. I am going to try and get some advice about his swollen hands today and hopefully put his mind at rest.

This morning has got off to a better start, yesterday despite giving all the paper boys/girls a note reminding them that the clocks were going forward I had eleven late rounds - it has saved me a fortune in attendance bonus but I cannot believe that so many households can forget, wonder if I will have as many an hour early when the clocks go back in October?!

The clocks have gone forward and so I have lost yet another hour in bed, in addition to the fact that Mike didn't come to bed until 3.00 am and wanted to chat, then he went to sleep and promptly snored, by which time it wasn't worth me attempting to go back to sleep so I got up at 3.30 am (which would have been 2.30 am). One of the newspaper wholesalers have already warned us that they are likely to be late and i've got three paper boys off today so it looks like we could be in for a "fun" morning.

The garden is looking much better, the second skip is now full too. Dad kept Cameron busy all the time. He is going home today but is leaving us with instructions of what else needs to be done now.

Mike is ok, but getting himself in a bit of a state about his swollen hands, I keep seeing him looking at them. I will speak to someone about it tomorrow to try and put his mind at rest.