We had our appointment with John Moyle (consultant at Willen) yesterday. It was very reassuring and hopefully will make Mike feel more settled. He has increased his anti-convulsant medication in the morning to try to stop the sensations that Mike has been getting in his face. He has also confirmed that Mike is not diabetic which is a relief.

Nicky, Hannah and Cameron are all up this morning but we are still waiting for the papers. It's bills and wages day today so I hate it when the papers are late on a Friday because it puts everything behind.

The phlabotomist came yesterday morning for her now four weekly visit. She asked Mike how he had been and he told her that he has been getting sensations of hot water running down his face followed by numbness and sometimes a problem with his eye. She told the district nurses when she got back to the surgery and within an hour a district nurse phoned me to say she had spoken to Willen and they will phone me with an appointment to see the consultant there. We are going at 3 pm today. I am very impressed with how quickly that was organised.

Nicky did a "changing rooms" job on my office yesterday. She has painted it "happy" yellow and also done a panel beside my desk with chalk board paint so that I can write reminders to myself on it rather than have post it notes all over the place. We are also going to make curtains for it so it keeps it warmer in the winter and make it look more cosy. Thanks Nicky, I really appreciate it, my office is probably the place where I have cried the most tears in the last fourteen months and now at least it looks more cheerful.

So far this morning Hannah is the only one up. We had decided that we were going to not get up until 4 because we have been quite efficient in the morning, but Hannah was out last night and we forgot to tell her, so she woke me up this morning thinking that I had overslept.

Mike slept all morning yesterday but got up and came down into the shop in the afternoon. He seemed to be fine, but after dinner he had another episode of problems with his face. Recently he has had the feeling that water is pouring down his face and then has problems with his eye and mouth, it passed quite quickly after I gave him a lorazepam. His personality is a bit different at the moment and at times he is quite aggressive (with his tongue). I worry what is going on, the scan showed that the tumour hadn't grown, but I really think that something isn't right at the moment.

I had a busy day yesterday. Nicky and I tidied my office, which was a mamouth task - it doesn't look like the same place. Nicky, Hannah and I went to Ikea, Hannah bought some bits to finish off her bedroom and I treated my office to a new bin.

Today we have three paper rounds to do, but as long as no one becomes sick or goes on a last minute holiday we will only have one to cover tomorrow.

Mike slept all morning yesterday as expected but got up at about 2.00 pm and stayed up until after dinner, he then stood up and announced that he felt really ill, but didn't know what was wrong, he got into bed and switched the oxygen on. I went and checked him every five minutes for a while, but he said that he was beginning to feel better, he then slept until 1.00 am when he got up for a couple of hours, and "quietly" came back to bed just before I got up at 3.30 am.

This is the first morning that I am really relying on the kids to help me, Judy is on holiday until 12th September and so Nicky, Hannah and Cameron are helping out. I am very impressed that they were all up by 3.45 am, only problem now is the papers haven't arrived yet.

We went to Reading yesterday. I was a bit concerned about Mike on the way down because his speech was a little slurred and he was struggling to find words more than he has been recently. He seemed to be ok though although he was incredibly opinionated yesterday, I don't know if it was because I was tired and not as tolerant as usual or whether he was just being a nightmare.

We went to Jean and Eddies for lunch and saw Gill there as well which was good. We then visited my dad, he didn't know that we were coming and got a bit tearful when we arrived. Mike went for a walk down his garden and then came back in and announced that he was going to get in the loft to get some things that we had stored there years ago. He got quite cross with me when I said that there was no way that he could get in the loft and he said "well, you better then!" I didn't have sensible shoes on for doing it and my dad said he would do it, rather than saying not to worry, like Mike would have previously he said "someone is going to have to". I cut Mike a look because my dad is 78 years old and has a bad knee, he doesn't get in the loft for himself usually his brother does it for him, but dad could sense that Mike was being really insistent so did it for him. Later when Mike was out of the room my dad commented on how he had never seen Mike speak to me like that before.

We then went to pick Nicky up, after phoning to check she was ready Mark and Did suggested that we get KFC and have dinner there, so we picked it up on the way. It was good to see everyone although this morning I feel like I haven't been to bed and am glad that it is a bank holiday and can close early and go back to bed.

What do I need to do for a quiet uneventful life??

Mike had a good day yesterday and was awake much more than normal. He decided that he wanted to walk up the town in the afternoon to go to the jewellers to get his wedding ring enlarged. I was exhausted by lunch time, but I know that we have both always been very particular about never taking our wedding rings off and that he has been getting a bit upset about the fact that he can't wear his again lately because of the swelling caused by the steroids. When we got back I made sure everything in the shop was ok and told him and the kids that I was going to bed for a couple of hours - before I knew it, Mike was in the bedroom banging around in the wardrobe and bedside cabinet waking me up. When I asked what he was doing he said that he was fed up with looking at these things that needed to be put away and if no one else (me?!) was going to do it then he would do it himself. I pointed out that I was trying to sleep and that when he is asleep I tip toe around so I don't wake him up.

My day didn't really get any better as it went on. I got out of bed in such a strop that I didn't even like myself. Hannah helped close the shop and then after a trip to Hobbycraft we had dinner.

I went to bed at about 9 pm because I was so tired, by 10 pm I was woken up again to be told that Cam and Mike couldn't set the burglar alarm, so I had to get up, get dressed and go downstairs to try and sort it, in the end I had to phone the alarm company twice and eventually an engineer came out. It was 11 pm when I decided that I really had to go to bed and left the engineer in Cam's capable hands.

I went to bed again to be woken up at 12.45 by Mike to be told that the alarm was now fixed and there had been a fault with the panic buttons - how I didn't just scream I don't know.

Today is another day and that is the only way I can get through this, by forgetting the rubbish from yesterday and see what new rubbish we have today. We are going to Reading this afternoon, to lunch at Mike's mum and dad's, a suprise visit to my dad and then we are picking Nicky up and bringing her back for another couple of weeks. I would like to fit in a trip to the cemetry to my mums grave today as well but I think I may run out of time.

Yesterday was quite an uneventful day. Mike slept a lot which wasn't suprising after the fit the night before and the fact that he had taken extra lorazepam because of it.

Nicky is coming to stay again on Monday for a couple of weeks. The kids have planned lots of things to do like they haven't seen her for years when it's only a week since she was here before.

I notice that Hannah put a comment on the blog yesterday, sometimes she is so loving and caring and sometimes her "bad" attitude just amazes me. This week with Cam's results it has made me realise even more how we are all affected by this illness. It is very difficult that at the very beginning Mike said he didn't want us to get upset in front of him, although I respect the fact that us getting upset is not going to make him feel any better I do feel that it has at times made it much more difficult for me and the kids to express how we really feel about it. Sometimes it isn't until things get really bad that we are able to talk to each other about how we feel and the kids behaviour has sometimes gone off the rails just through utter frustration. I know it's really hard but I love you both x x x

Cameron is going to have a meeting with Sandy, the family support worker at Willen and hopefully do some work designing leaflets (and Cam wants a web site) to help other kids/teenagers that are faced with similar problems to what he and Hannah have had to deal with over the last fourteen months.

Mike had a good day yesterday, he got up and got dressed at lunch time and came down to the shop twice in couple of hours. Everyone keeps commenting on how well he looks and that he's getting better! - that comment makes me want to scream, he does look well at the moment, but the truth is he is not going to get better, I don't know why but when people talk like he is it really gets me down.

Jean and Eddie came after lunch. Eddie cut the grass and Jean made dinner, I really appreciate what they do for us and I am really going to miss them when they go back to America in October.

Cameron was very disappointed with his results but I am very impressed with the fact that he didn't just sit back and give in. He went back to the school (with Sandy from Willen -who is a real star) and had a meeting and has now organised for him to re-sit a couple of his gcse's plus do a GNVQ in ICT. His upset appeared to be not only his results, but the fact that school is a secure place that he knows and he didn't feel up to making any more changes in his life right now. Thanks Sandy for being there for him (all of us) yesterday. x

The day finished with Mike having the biggest focal seizure he has had in a long time. We are back to thinking what was different, what caused it. I am now concerned that it will knock his confidence again and he won't want to get up and get dressed and come down to the shop etc for a while. It is never easy....

Mike went to day hospice yesterday - it was the last session that they will all be together for a while because building works is starting on the extension and the group has had to be split into two to go fortnightly into a smaller room until the work is complete. There was lots of sad goodbyes and some of the patients were saying "i'll be long gone before the building is finished, we'll meet again somewhere though" - I thought that was really morbid (but probably very true).

Mike and I met with Liz at Willen to talk about the report she has received from his consultant about the scan result and what needs to happen about his medication now. We are trying to reduce his steroids and also to cut back on the amount of lorazepam he has to take, he is quite dependent on it but it is a viscious circle that it makes him sleep, then he complains about sleeping too much. He is happy that the steroids are being reduced because he doesn't like the effects of them but is reluctant to mess with anything else. It is also quite likely that he now has steroid induced diabetes, they are going to do another blood test to confirm it but he does have a lot of the symptoms.

Today is GCSE results day, Cameron has got himself in a real state about it, I have tried to reassure him that it isn't the end of the world and we have talked about how the last year that he has been studying and taking these exams has not exactly been normal. I know that he is really concerned because he told me that he has contacted Sandy (family support worker) at Willen for some support and Cam doesn't normally ask for help like that. I hope he knows that we are proud of him no matter what, he has been a massive support to both of us over the last fourteen months and we love him very much x x

We had a really good day yesterday. We decided that we would go up the city to have our eyes tested, we've talked about it for ages but never seem to get it done, Mike got up unusually early so I suggested that we do it and he agreed. I wasn't too impressed with the outcome though, Mike's eyes haven't changed at all in the last two years, but mine have got awful and I need to wear glasses all the time. (how does that work??).

We went to John Lewis for lunch which was really nice, although Mike was a little loud with his comments about people - it's not a new thing, he's always been a "people watcher" but at least he used to whisper his comments to me not say them in a very loud voice like he does now. He was complaining about women with kids that have in his opinion never done a days work in their life, and about the fact that women aged 50-60 that shop in John Lewis all wear beige suits and carry M&S and John Lewis bags and wouldn't be seen dead anywhere else.

He walked a long way yesterday, I was worn out so I don't know about him. When we came home he went to bed for four hours but he got back up in the evening and thought it was funny to wind me up about having to wear glasses and asking when my guide dog was being delivered. He was much more like the old Mike yesterday.

Mike had another restless day, but a better evening when he eventually got up at 8.20 pm. I had gone to pick Hannah up from work but when I got back Cam said that when he had woken up he didn't have a clue whether it was morning or night or how long he had been asleep. When he woke up fully he was quite chatty and asked me to cut his hair for him, I was about to go to bed but I did it and then was too awake to sleep myself.

I went to carers yesterday, although I had a sleep in the morning and Mike woke me up (almost in a panic) telling me that if I didn't wake up I would be late for carers. I told him it wasn't compulsary and I didn't have to be there at 2 o'clock on the dot, but we were at a risk of it developing into an argument so for once I did as I was told and got up, got ready and went.

So far today Cam and I only have one round to cover, although unless I can convince some more lads today to do some more cover it will increase to four rounds tomorrow. Cam is being so good at the moment it scares me a little.

Mike had a restless day yesterday, he didn't know if he wanted to sleep or be awake, every time he woke up he complained that he wanted to go to sleep. He had the tv on in the bedroom and slept on and off between watching it. He got up for dinner but continued to be restless all the evening, he came to bed early and slept all night.

Cameron and I have done three rounds again this morning, I will be so glad when the school holidays are over and I have some staff back.

It's carers at Willen today, I don't know if I have the energy to go though. I wish I could wake up and have some enthusiasm today.

Mike slept all morning yesterday but got up after lunch. He was a bit headachy, but he refused to take what I call my magic medi (oxynorm) so I was not too worried about him, I know that he is feeling really lousy if he agrees to take it as he complains about how horrible it tastes. He came to bed at a reasonable time and had a good night without too much chatting and moving about.

Nicky and Adam left at about 5.30 pm, It seemed a bit odd last night with them not being here. Cam cooked the dinner and Hannah cleared it away so maybe Nicky has been a good influence on them.

This afternoon is sleep time, but I need to take Hannah to work, do some food shopping, be back to do the newspaper returns and do Mike lunch and medication before that. I have already done three paper rounds with Hannah so I don't know if I will last until then. Cameron helped with sorting the rounds this morning and did all of the carrying of papers theough to the shop, he is being very good at the moment (he is saving for a car, it may last a while, when he realises how much insurance, tax etc costs)

We had a good day at the zoo yesterday. We got to see the baby elephant which was what Mike really wanted to do. Mike was really tired when we got back but did really well all the time we were out.

Nicky, Adam and Cam have been stars this morning - I have got nine paper boys on holiday so Adam and Cam went out and did three rounds, Nicky helped me sort the papers and then came and did two rounds with me, we managed to get the other four rounds covered by other paper boys and girls.

I have read Nicky's comment from yesterday, I will be sad to see her go today, she has definately managed to lift my mood (and Cam's), She has been a great help doing the window display, helping with papers and housework in the night - maybe I will adopt her. Love her loads too x x

Adam and Cam

Mike enjoyed having lots of visitors yesterday. He got up late morning when they arrived, but with a bit of persuasion went back to bed after lunch for a few hours (he had woken up before he was ready to and was a bit moany).

Eddie, my dad and eventually Cameron have filled the skip, cut the grass and tidied up, thanks for that it is all looking much better now.

Adam, our nephew arrived yesterday and we are all going to the zoo today. Friday is always a nightmare morning with wages and bills to do but I am sure we will get orgnaised eventually.

Mike went to day hospice yesterday and seemed to have a good day. He is a little unsettled because things are changing there, an extension is being built so because of the lack of space available the group has been split up and he will only be able to go every couple of weeks, he was quite anxious about whether he would be split up from the people that he sits with and has lunch with etc. ( he now knows who he's with and seems fine about the whole thing).

He slept for an hour before dinner and was very tired in the evening. We have lots of family coming today but I imagine that he will need to have a good sleep this morning to cope with it. Jean and Eddie were coming today anyway, but Nicky, Cameron (and occasionally Hannah) have been decorating Hannah's room this week and we have decided there is a lot of stuff that we need to get rid of, so I had a skip delivered yesterday. My dad is now coming up with Jean and Eddie to help and Adam, my nephew is coming up to stay too - we do plan to go to Whipsnade tomorrow, but a lot will depend on the weather.

I got up to a nice suprise this morning, Nicky and Cam had done lots of housework during the night so that saves me a bit of time today. Thanks x x x x

Yesterday morning seemed to last forever, Mike woke up much earlier than normal but had his breakfast and went back to bed. I tried to keep myself really busy but couldn't concentrate on anything. Driving to the hospital we said very little to each other and we sat in the waiting room in silence. I felt sick when they called his name and we went through to see the dr.

It's brilliant news though, the tumour has reduced in size again! When we got out into the corridor we were a bit like we had won the lottery (not that we know that feeling!!) we hugged each other and were like two excited little kids - we have been given some more time!!!

We talked about how we will just continue as we have been, appreciating every day we have. I spoke to the dr about the fact that he sleeps so much and she says that it is the medication rather than the illness that makes him sleep like he does so there isn't a great deal we can do about that, although Mike has been more active recently (in the last couple of months we've travelled to two parties, he's come shopping with us, been to the wholesaler, walked up the town a few times - all things that he hadn';t done for ages before).

We are going away (just the two of us) in September to celebrate our twentieth wedding anniversary. I have been planning it for a little while but not talked to Mike about it until we knew the result of the scan.

Mike had a sleepy day yesterday and had another seizure yesterday afternoon. The onset of all these fits again has made us even more anxious about this afternoons appointment but the whole way through this we have always asked for the honest truth from dr's, going to hear the truth is really difficult.

Mike felt sick after dinner last night, he has become quite fussy about what he eats and anything spicy makes him feel unwell. It is quite difficult because his taste changes on an almost daily basis, things that he liked yesterday will be a no no today. He went back to bed after dinner saying "I just need a couple of hours" like he had not had a sleep all day and had to be woken up again for his evening medication. He actually slept all night too which I was relieved about, I was awake just looking at him for the majority of the night.

Mike slept a lot again yesterday, although was quite good again in the evening. Everyone seems to be sleeping really odd hours here at the moment, Cameron and Nicky are staying up all night then helping with the papers and rounds in the morning (they have done two rounds this morning already) and then they sleep all day. Hannah is sleeping at night and awake during the day, I go to bed quite early and get up at 3.30 am and Mike sleeps as and when he feels like it - meal times are a nightmare because no one knows if they are eating breakfast, lunch or dinner.

Mike seems to be better since his steroids have increased and now that the scan is done, although we are obvioulsy both very anxious about the appointment tomorrow afternoon. Mike keeps saying that he doesn't feel any different and he does't think that anything has changed. I sometimes think that is his coping mechanism and if he can convince himself everything is ok it will be. He has been doing really well lately but I don't want to give myself false hope, we have been so lucky that he has been so well for so much longer than we ever imagined he would be, but realistically I know that it isn't going to last forever.

I managed to sleep a bit yesterday, but Mike has a fan on all the time in the bedroom and I wake up with a headache all the time - I keep moving the fan so it is just on him but it doesn't seem to make much difference.

Mike slept all day yesterday. He is really enjoying having Nicky here and has been laughing a lot in the evenings. We plan to go out a couple of times this week but what we do depends on how we get on at the hospital on Tuesday.

Cameron bought a 10' round pool woth his hard earned wages last week and Nicky and him spent loads of time in it yesterday, Hannah went in for a while but went out later.

I intend to sleep all afternoon today as I am exhausted. Mike is understandably very restless at night at the moment and we have been chatting for at least an hour out of my six hour night.

Mike had his scan yesterday. Considering everything that he has been through over the last fourteen months the one thing that really gets him down is MRI scans. Thankfully the appointment was reasonably early in the morning so we didn't have too much time to sit and think about it. As usual he came out with a thumping headache, he says that it is like lying in an oil drum and someone bashing a stick on it all the time, he finds the noise really difficult to deal with. We now have to wait until Tuesday afternoon for the result.

When we got home he went to bed and slept for the rest of the day but got up later in the evening and seemed much more relaxed.

Nicky (and Cam) planned our next shop window last night. I took Nicky to Hobbycraft to get some stuff (Cam stayed to look after Mike) and they started work on it when we got back. I think it may be much more artistic than anything we have had before.

Mike slept all morning and got up after lunch. He seemed to be ok all afternoon, doing all the normal things that he does, like being intollerant with people on the TV and shouting at it, and complaining that everything that is on is a repeat - I try to explain that most people don't have the TV on as many hours a day as him so it is not repeats to them. The amusing thing is that he does watch the same things over and over again anyway because he can't remember them, but we are not allowed to comment about seeing anything before.

Nicky only slept for four hours yesterday morning so she is not up with us today, although Cam's friend Elliott is here so we should still get done much quicker. Nicky (and Hannah, but Hannah got bored) cooked dinner last night which was lovely.

Mike had a problem with numbness in his face last night (the first sign of a fit) but we managed to catch it before it developed. Today is scan day, I can't imagine how anxious Mike feels, he hates going in that machine that he calls a toilet roll - I feel pretty sick about the appointment although we are not going to have any results until Tuesday. Up until this week everything had been going really well and nothing had changed so we were quietly confident about the scan, but this week with the fits starting again it makes us wonder what really is going on.

I need to thank Sandy at Willen, she read my blog and realised I had been a bit rubbish and phoned me for a chat - I don't know how she manages it but she has seen me at my very worst through all of this, but however bad it gets she always manages to make me laugh.

Mike went to day hospice yesterday, when I arrived to pick him up he was painting his pottery and he said he had had a good day. He was very tired and went straight to bed when we got home so that he could be up for Nicky arriving later in the evening.

He slept until 8.30 pm but when he woke up he had a fit, he recovered reasonably quickly from it but it reminds us what we're really dealing with. I had a bad day yesterday, I got upset about leaving him at Willen (not in front of him of course) I found it really difficult to get to sleep as my head was full of horrible thoughts, this morning i'm back to feeling that i've not been to bed.

Nicky has managed to prove me wrong about early mornings and is up with Cam this morning, in fact I think they have been up chatting all night. Hannah is in bed because she has to go to work today.

Mike had a good day yesterday. He walked up the town to the bank with me and then came with me to pick Hannah up from work.

Mike and Cam have got a new friend - we've got a hedgehog in the garden that apparently comes out at 10.00 pm every night. When I said I was going to bed last night I was told I couldn't go because I had to see the hedgehog - I told them that they were sad and mike replied "i've only got half a brain remember! I thought that was really sad. I thought it was even sadder that although I was asleep at 10.00 pm I was woken up and handed my dressing gown to go and have a look at the hedgehog. I found it very difficult to get excited about it!

Mike is going to day hospice today and I really need to sleep properly. I had a couple of hours sleep yesterday but when the alarm goes off in the morning I feel like I have only just gone to bed. Mike's response to me saying that this morning was "you need Pro Plus and Red Bull - I think I actually need to sleep undisturbed by hedgehogs or middle of the night offers of "do you fancy some soup?".

Nicky is arriving this evening - I have told her she needs to bring lots of patience and a big personality. I also got a message from her saying she thought I was a bit cheeky saying about her not being able to do mornings! Maybe I will put her to the test.

Mike slept all day yesterday only waking up for meals and medication. He got up at 7.45 pm, just before I left to pick Hannah up from work. Hannah was twenty five minutes late coming out of work and then we went straight to Asda to do the food shopping. We didn't get home until 10.00 pm. Thankfully Hannah put the shopping away as I was absolutely exhausted by this time.

Mike had already gone back to bed by the time we got back, Cameron said he had been gone about half an hour by then. When I got into bed I was really quiet so I didn't disturb him, but within seconds of me being in bed he was awake and chatting. Hannah came in the room and he said "don't talk loud, your mum's trying to sleep" - I can't understand how it is ok for him to keep me awake but not for anyone else. I did talk to him for a while though because he had slept all day and I had then gone shopping we hadn't seen each other at all.

Eventually we went to sleep only to be woken up at approximately 2 am by the cycle shop opposites burglar alarm, it is so loud that we even checked whether it was ours. It seemed to go on forever. Mike was complaining that it was hurting his head, I can't imagine how he felt because my head was throbbing. Needless to say I am really struggling this morning - I am so tired that I could cry.

Firstly I must apologise to our nephew Adam, I totally forgot to do a happy birthday blog mention yesterday. I did remember to phone him though. Happy Birthday for yesterday Adam x x

Mike had a good day yesterday, he didn't sleep quite as much and was on good form when he was awake. There hasn't been any more problems with the hand, in fact when I asked him how his hand was he replied "what hand?" (I never know if he is being his normal self when he does things like that or if he has genuinely forgottten).

Our niece Nicky is coming to stay on Wednesday for about ten days, she has just graduated with an art degree and so is going to design us a new window display. We also intend to do a trip to the zoo while she is here. We are really looking forward to her coming, she says she wants to come and take the pressure off for me a bit (knowing Nicky as I do, I don't think it includes early mornings, or mornings at all for that matter!) She always manages to make me laugh and I haven't done that for a while.

I am going to make an appointment for us to have our eyes tested this week. Mike thinks that his sight has changed quite a lot recently and I keep getting shouted at for squinting when I am driving and have noticed that I feel headachy when I have been on the computer for any period of time.

Mike had a traditional sleepy Saturday yesterday. He was his usual self in the evening, being very chatty and quite inappropriate. He did make me laugh speaking to his mum on the phone, he was saying that if his sister and brother in law ever need a break they should send the kids down for him to look after them! Does he not remember that he sleeps three quarters of the day and I actually look after him???

Cameron is still doing the early mornings, he calls himself employee of the month - I think that is a bit extreme but it is a massive help.

I intend to sleep this afternoon, Sundays used to be my one afternoon a week that I could sleep without an alarm, but recently I have had to pick Hannah up from work at five and I keep waking up checking the time. I am beginning to get desperate for some quality sleep, it's been hot at night and Mike has been quite unsettled, I have woken up several mornings this week feeling like I haven't been to bed.

Mike had a sleepy day yesterday, he didn't even get up for dinner. He eventually got up at about 6.30 pm but was complaining at how long it takes him to wake up these days. Cameron stayed in and the three of us had a good evening.

Yesterday morning I took my coffee out in the garden for five minutes peace - I woke up about an hour later not knowing where I was, what time it was and rather sunburnt. Apart from the sunburnt bit I can appreciate how Mike feels when he loses track of what day and time it is.

Mike woke me up at 3.00 am chatting and then he didn't want me to get up at 3.30 am, he eventually went back to sleep so I was able to escape to do the papers. He really has no understanding of time or any appreciation of the what other people have to do in their lives any more - he doesn't remember what the early mornings are like and genuinely forgets that when he is sleeping all day I am working, he then questions why I am tired.

Cam got up to help again today, he is being a bit of a star at the moment.

Mike slept in the morning, got up for lunch and got dressed for his mum and dad coming. He even decided that he wanted to walk up the town with his mum, I was a little concerned because he had struggled to walk down the corridor at Willen the day before. Recently Mike is so "stubborn" (I don't know that is the right word, it is caused by the illness, but you just cannot reason with him once he gets an idea in his head). I went for a sleep and when I woke up he had been and everything seemed fine.

Mike had a heated discussion with Hannah while I was at the wholesalers and got himself into a bit of a state which bought on a focal seizure, he dealt with it himself and went to bed for about ten minutes and recovered quite quickly. When his mum and dad had gone home last night he told me how scared he had been as he had gone off to be alone but hadn't had a seizure that bad for a while. He is really quite stressed at the moment and we think that is what triggered it, he has been so good for so long that these symtoms take us by suprise.

Mike had a good day at Willen yesterday. He saw the dr who was pleased with how he is generally, he thinks that the problem in his hand may be a trapped nerve further up his arm or shoulder. (I really would love to be convinced by this, but unfortunately I find being positive quite difficult at times). Mike has been reassured by it, so that is the main thing.

Cameron didn't help me this morning, I have noticed a big difference. I am so short of delivery people at the moment because of holidays I am having to go out to do rounds, so the more help I have with preparing them makes a real difference to what time I can get out and what energy I have to deliver papers. I had been really happy that he had been helping, he has also been lifting the mood, sometimes the mark up room at 4 am is not the best place to be - all sorts of horrible thoughts enter my head in there when I am alone.

Jean and Eddie are coming today and bringing dinner (you would not believe what a difference not having to think what we are going to have for dinner, just for one night makes to my life!)

Mike slept on and off again yesterday, he did manage to get up for Liz from Willen coming but went back to bed quite quickly after. Liz is organising for a dr at the hospice to see him today, maybe that will sort us both out. I am convinced that he is sleeping a lot at the moment because the things that are going on in his mind regarding his hand must be as bad, if not worse than what's going on in mine and he uses sleep to escape from reality. You instantly think that every ache and pain is related to the tumor, especially as it is on the side affected by it. I have hardly slept at all last night thinking about it so will be glad when today is over.

We sold loads of ice cream yesterday, I think it is the first time in the four years that we have had the shop that the weather has changed for the better when the ice cream delivery arrives, normally I order it a heat wave and it arrives in pouring rain (maybe there is a god!)

Cameron has got up to help again this morning, thats four consecutive days - he'll be looking for a long service award soon.